Sesh number #3

This fella was a little trickier than the previous sessions for sure. I will get into that in a bit though. I wanted to start off by saying that between the BOS Program and the one on one head shrinking, I feel like I am getting better at life:-) Not like Neal Armstrong's first steps on the moon, but damn good steps all the same. And that is all that matters to this cat. I have been finding it easier to keep what is important on my plate, and have not really minded when some of the other shit has been falling off. This typically would have driven me a little nuts, but for some reason I am able to keep the focus on what matters a little more. ("Prioritize and Execute" as Jocko says) I believe that is attributed to what I was yapping about in the last bit. Being present and enjoying what is going on in front of me, rather than worrying about what is going on tomorrow. Whether that is the reason, or not, does not really matter I guess anyways.
In between the last two session we had one of our monthly followup meetings for the BOS Program as well. Although quite different from one another (Private head shrinking and group therapy/head shrinking), they both preach much of the same concepts and tools to deal with things. One major difference is obviously the group dynamic. Perhaps not for everyone, but I must say that it is quite comforting to see that there are other people on the planet that do not have a perfect Facebook life:-) (Caveat to that last sentence. I do not get joy in seeing other people going through shit. Quite the contrary actually.) I say that with the thickest spread of sarcasm imaginable, as no one has a perfect life, although sometimes we let ourselves think that they do. So seeing/hearing other peoples struggles reminds you that what you have going on, is not abnormal, and may I dare say, quite normal a lot of the time. Crazy how you can convince yourself of the opposite. Sometimes it takes reality to punch you right in the kisser by someone explaining their sitch right in front of you, to make you actually believe that other people have got some weight riding on their shoulders as well. And the minute that that takes place, it somehow lightens your load. Or perhaps you now feel like it is being shared. Either way, it is a good feeling. Another added benefit to the group action is having a bunch of people pitch in on how you may be able to sort some shit out. I do not know about you, but I usually like a hand with a bunch of work. I mean you can do it yourself, but I am pretty sure the saying goes, "many hands make light work." So I say, put me in coach! With that being said, there is also the saying, "Too many Chiefs and not enough Indians" as well:) You never know though until you try and you sure as fuck can't win the game while you are standing on the side lines.
Now back to my first couple sentences and to elaborate a little more. This month at work, as is every month, we have some training that is put out by our Training Division. One piece of this was a video that we were to review to help with a rather shitty situation that we all hope to never deal with. But, in our line of work, it is definitely in the cue for some of us unfortunately. Early this year that popped out of the cue for a few of us. We did our utmost with the situation, chatted about it as a group, and took part in the followup mental care that is more structured and provided. All of which worked well for me. I am also a chatty cat (I will say it for ya, "Thanks Captain Fucking Obvious") and have spoken to plenty people about it since then, as I think that it helps digest the frozen turd that we ingested. And don't get me wrong, we signed up to eat that ice cold tube steak of excrement, but that does not make it anymore appetizing. I digress:)
Where I was going with all of this, was this. The play button was hit on the video and during the first scene I found myself feeling pretty fucking "weird", for lack of a better term. There I was sitting in a room, far removed from anything dangerous or stressful, and my body was reacting like "the shit" was going down. Thanks to some of the "mental training" I have done as of late, I did not brush it off, but rather brought it up in session #3 with my head shrinker. After a relatively hard story telling session on my behalf, she got me squared away with what was more than likely going on. Coals notes. We never forget the bad things we see and do in life. Kind of like a not so good tattoo for the most part. It literally becomes part of us. The big part of this though is coming to the realization that that experience is now part of you, and that you can take it, and as hard as it is, find the good in it, and move forward. The trick is, not to have a physiological reaction down the road due to things that remind you of it. You should just be left with the nasty ass memory and the positive ways in which a shitty situation can improve your life. Turns out, in my personal case, I tend to feel guilt if I try to let things go. So with that type of M.O. you tend to never fully get over certain things. Which over time, will start to become damn problematic for obvious reasons. It took my head shrinker a little bit of digging, but that sure as shit is how I roll. Thankfully I have had the opportunity to start down the mental exercising route now, cause I am quite sure the digging my head shrinker has been doing would have required some TNT in the future. It still would have been doable, just a little more challenging per se. Going forward, need to ensure I come to grips that I can honour people and situations by becoming better at what it is that I do, sharing those lessons with others, and that by letting go of everything that I can, does not mean that I am letting anyone down. In fact, it will ensure that I do just the opposite.
Once again, I am hoping that by writing all this crap out, it not only helps you fall asleep tonight, it also touches a few people (Not in a weird way) and sheds some light on all the good that can come from chatting about mental health and getting also in there and exercising the shit out of it as well. On a sad note, we are saying good bye to a friend tomorrow. As I just said, it is next to impossible to find any good in certain situations, this being one of them. But if his passing spurs on conversations and action that save others, he will never be gone. And to me, that is a ray of beautiful light in a pretty dark tunnel.

Until the next sesh,

AJ

Day Numero Deuce

Day two with the magical head shrinker went just as well as day number one. We got rid of a lot of the getting to know you stuff and some of the other formalities that they are legally oblige to go through with you the first day, and therefor got right down to business.

We started off by following up on a few of the items that we had discussed during the previous chit chat and how the past couple weeks had been going. In general, being a little more on top of what is going on during all my interactions actually makes them all considerably more enjoyable. Who would have thought:)

One of the key concepts that have been brought to the forefront during both my sessions here, as well as the few days at the BOS Program, is to be present as much as possible. “Being present” is definitely the most challenging for me, but I feel has a huge return on investment when you start to be more cognizant of it. Sometimes wish it was as easy as putting a bow on your head and waiting for someone to tear your clothes off. But like they say, nothing in life worth doing is ever easy, and the sooner you get that sorted in your head the better off you will be. There have been a few suggestions that have been slid across the table my way to help with this such as a couple breathing techniques and some things you can do with your body to make sure you are in the now. Now, before rolling your eyes, I would suggest that you get in touch with someone, or hell google, and give it a try. A minute or two, hear and there goes a long ways. I have also been blessed to have had a beautiful little gal with my loving better half a couple years ago, and although extremely trying at times, she has had a funny way of helping with the “being in the present/now”.

Among the thousands of gifts my daughter has bestowed upon me during her initial 2 years, the pure joy that can be had in every second of everyday is one of the best. I understand why this changes as you age, as you do have to plan for the future in order to get anywhere in life, but as adults (I use that term extremely lightly with respect to myself) I am beginning to think that the pendulum swings a little too far. Or in my case anyway, it has. This constant gaze into the future is beneficial in the short term to improve productivity and performance, but when you are constantly staring into the telescope you do not experience what is going on around you, and that becomes extremely detrimental to you long term. The same can be said about always dwelling on shit that has happened. You need to briefly look at it, digest it like a piece of bread eaten by someone that suffers from Colitis, take the lessons that can be learned, and move fuck on. No matter how hard you sit there and think about something that has happened, you sure as shit can not call up Doc, jump in your Delorion, and Michael J. Fox the results into something other than what they are.

Another key item that has come out of the closet thus far, is the pretty emotional reaction/response to things that I sometime have. Hey, I am an emotional fella, through and through, but that is no reason to fly off the handle (internally or externally). Quite often it is not warranted when you take a few steps back and see the entire picture, and eventually just creates undo hardship for yourself and those around you. Now this fella/item seems as though it is going to take a little more unpacking, as there are many different reasons why it happens. Wether it be something that I hold dear to my heart that is being threatened in some fashion, I have too much stress in my life and my cup is start to slop all over, or I have not clearly communicated something and the end result is something that is tap dancing on my nerves like the SOB from River Dance. Whatever the root cause, the results are all the same and are typically not beneficial in anyway, shape, or form. As far as sorting this action out, it was brought to my attention that there are “primary emotions”  and “secondary emotions.” The secondary emotions are a result of me not dealing with the primary ones. Fail Johnson:) Good news? That means if I address the primary emotions, good fucking bye secondary emotions! And by cruising through a couple examples with the brains of the operation (Therapist) it became very apparent that I am quite often in control of the situations that start the ball rolling. And ultimately I have complete control over how I react to things. Although sometimes that is like trying to jump on a bullet train as it is speeding by. With that being said, I am working on my foot speed and getting better at catching that sucker:) 

So, as always, it is best to be proactive rather than reactive. Deal yourself a sweet ass hand, rather than play the hand some crappy dealer has dealt, per se. I believe you do this by building strong relationships in your life, both personal and professional. Be humble in those relationships and as open as you possibly can. If it borders on you feeling uncomfortable with the conversation, it is probably the right thing to be chatting about. (Aside from the obvious HR nightmares people:) We as humans were not designed to go at this world and life alone. We are meant to be part of the bigger picture. To interact with each other and connect. To feel love, hate, sadness, and joy. To share those emotions with all those around us. To bring value and give back to the greater good. In order to do that we must foster and constantly build on those relationships in our lives with the understanding that it is ultimately our responsibility to do that. We can always ask for help, but also need to eventually take the first steps, and those afterwards ourselves. 
Meeting with a Phycologist has been great. She challenges me with tough questions that require some gut checking on my behalf to answer. I have no doubt that answering these questions and then analyzing them is going to make things better in all aspects of my life.

I will end with this video. A little off the cuff, but it carries a ton of weight with a profound message. I had the opportunity to be part of a life changing seminar/experience recently, and this was one of the videos that was shown during it. I wanted to share it as it touched me. Not that I am a Veteran, or feel that I have any inkling of what being in a combat situation is like, but I feel that you can draw plenty of parallels to life general.

Until the next sesh,

AJ